• DrZoidberg@sh.itjust.works
        63·
        11 months ago

        I’d pay 3 times the amount of a regular ticket to watch the scene where Terry Crews, in a gorgeous ball gown, is dancing with Prince Charming, and when realizing it’s almost midnight, flexes his pecs, and yells goodbye before disappearing into the night.

        Prince Charming then goes around trying to find the perfect pec flex. Alternatively, bicep circumference would also be acceptable as a glass slipper alternative.

        • OberonSwanson@sh.itjust.works
          38·
          11 months ago

          Wrong movie plot, but I would seriously watch the fuck out of this.

          Edit: Get Andy Samberg as the prince and I will fight outside the theatre in a ball gown.

          • thefartographer@lemm.ee
            9·
            11 months ago

            I’m not sure that threatening to fight Andy Samberg is the best way to sign him into a movie. Then again, I don’t know the guy…

        • DragonTypeWyvern@literature.cafe
          12·
          11 months ago

          How about this: Prince Charming tries to kiss the sleeping Snow White, but she wakes up and beats the hell out of him then lectures him on consent.

          • erogenouswarzone@lemmy.ml
            5·
            11 months ago

            I’d watch that. But there should be a really good musical number called “Everything is rape without consent” or something… It probably wouldn’t be appropriate for the target audience, but yes I agree with the point you’re making: Snow White & Cinderella are way fucked.

        • SpeakinTelnet@sh.itjust.works
          7·
          11 months ago

          Cinderella would be the prince going around with barbells trying to find the princess (Terry) who can lift them. Only he can carry the prince down the aisle.

  • Hellsadvocate@lemmy.world
    322·
    11 months ago

    Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: A Terry Crews Rendition

    Scene 1: Snow White’s Introduction

    Snow White (Terry Crews) is introduced as a charismatic and strong character, loved by all animals in the forest. He’s strong but gentle, charming, and not afraid to show his emotional side. He sings to the animals with a deep, booming voice, a hilarious contrast to the original character’s high-pitched singing.

    Snow White: (singing in deep voice) “I’m wishing, (I’m wishing) for the one I love, to find me, (to find me) today…”

    Scene 2: Meeting the Huntsman

    The Queen orders the Huntsman to bring back Snow White’s heart. However, the Huntsman cannot bring himself to harm Snow White, who’s flexing his muscles and humming a cheerful tune.

    Huntsman: “I… I can’t do it. Forgive me, Snow White.”

    Snow White: (flexing) “No worries, man. Everyone has a hard time dealing with these guns.”

    Scene 3: Discovering the Cottage

    Upon discovering the dwarfs’ cottage, Snow White starts cleaning. However, instead of the delicate tidying of the original, Terry Crews’ Snow White lifts heavy furniture single-handedly and dusts with a peacock feather duster, all while maintaining a contagious cheerfulness.

    Snow White: “Well, this place needs a little muscle love. Let’s get to it!”

    Scene 4: Meeting the Dwarfs

    Snow White wins over the dwarfs with his charm and kindness. His interactions with the dwarfs are playful and endearing, unlike the traditional motherly role of the original Snow White.

    Snow White: “You guys could use some protein in your diet. What do you say, tomorrow we start the day with a proper workout and a protein shake?”

    Scene 5: The Poison Apple

    When the Queen, disguised as an old woman, offers Snow White the poisoned apple, Snow White is hesitant but doesn’t want to be rude. He takes a bite and collapses in a dramatic, comedic fashion.

    Snow White: “An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? But just to be sure… (flexes arm)…proteins are better.”

    Scene 6: The Prince’s Kiss

    When the Prince arrives to awaken Snow White, he’s taken aback by Snow White’s size. However, he’s determined to break the spell. The moment is played for laughs, with the Prince struggling to lean over Snow White.

    Prince: “I… I’ve come to break the spell…”

    Snow White (waking up): “Did I hit the snooze button again?”

    • Balthazar@sopuli.xyz
      2·
      11 months ago

      I fucking love you, and you are the reason why I love the internet and trust humanity somewhat. This is absolute internet GOLD!

  • Venus [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    24·
    11 months ago

    I’ve always thought this would be a great idea. Play everything 100% straight but the actors are completely miscast. Give me Terry Crews as Snow White and I’ll actually go see a movie for the first time in like 10 years

  • Diabolo96@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    22·
    11 months ago

    Man. I don’t watch much movies but I’d watch this 10 times in row. If it’s a comedy or better…a serious comedy. The acting is serious but everything else isn’t.

  • I Cast Fist@programming.devEnglish
    20·
    11 months ago

    I wonder how the evil queen would dupe Terry Fucking Crews into eating a poisoned apple. I can only imagine her failing a number of times thanks to his dancing pecs

  • ∟⊔⊤∦∣≶@lemmy.nz
    20·
    11 months ago

    I’m only watching if it’s 100% serious. Terry acts as he acts and the entire rest of the movie is as written in the script. Full commit, no comedic rewriting. It’s just Terry playing Snow White.