I like that the suicide prevention number is wrong. It should still dial, but funny.

There are plenty of people who I also wish my email finds them in a nettle bush.

In the 90s I was a teenager and I took a friend with me visiting family in Japan. I can’t read more than about 100 kanji, probably less now.

We found a vending machine, a small one not the usual fridge size ones, just on the street. I was trying to figure out what it was selling, it didn’t look like anything I recognised. We both smoked so I could just about recognise the words for pregnancy and something negative or anti, like a health warning.

We were there for a good 10 minutes and a few elderly people had taken notice of us and were giving us weird stares, proper WTF faces. My virgin ass finally figures out they’re condoms, the kanji are the equivalent of Contra, Ceptive, and we bolt.