He shopped out his lips.

And you simply must begin and end every sentence with uWu, obviously.

I only date women who do exactly what they want to do and not what society says they should do. As it happens, they generally don’t wear makeup every day.

“Oh…no, no, no honey, the steel foil hat doesn’t go with that outfit, try the gold one.”

With Uncle Smurf, Boss Dimmadome, Sheriff Gomer, Vagina the Mechanic, and Random Black State Trooper…what’s not to love? 😂

Someone keep this Lego poem going.

Noted, but I ain’t putting any money in that prick Stephen Baldwin’s pocket. Also, if you happen through Tucson, go check out Biosphere 2 in Oracle, AZ which inspired this film. Science, bitch!

I have an ex who was a self-described jar goblin and fancied herself a witch. Somehow, she couldn’t conjure up a fucking job the entire time we were together. I keep as few jars in my home as possible now, and I use the two little heart-handled spoons she left behind when she moved as solely to scoop wet cat food from the tin because fuck her.

Reference

No, Terrence Howard, we won’t.

Ctrl-period or Ctrl-comma. Granted, you have to search with your eyes for the correct one, but they are in alphabetical order.

I’m commenting here to follow in case someone replies with images similar to OP’s featuring Kilometer changes to Rod Serling, 2 Chainz, and Eddie Furlong.

Goldfinger did a recording of Superman, Here in Your Bedroom, and a couple other songs during the pandemic.

Not sure if you are goofin’, but that is a Tony Hawk level.

Of course. He’s the tough, smart lawyer who gets results.

Granted, I grew up in DFW and those commercials of his I watched in between episodes of Gomer Pyle, Hogans Heroes, I Dream of Jeannie, and Bewitched on KTVT Channel 11 (Fort Worth/Dallas) on days I stayed home sick are forever and indelibly etched into my memory.

Or when a webform requires an honorific and none of them is suitable. (I’ll usually pick “Honorable”)

Look them intensely in the eye as piss streams down your leg to establish dominance.

This. Granted I was 24 and not great with money as my wife and I had about $1500 in credit card debt, but once or twice a year I’d put down $50 for a little fun money and play at an online casino for no more than a week or until the $50 was gone. The first time I tried, I managed to use a modified Martingale system for several days and worked it up to five grand before cashing out. Was never successful at making anything close to that again, but I never played with or lost more than I could afford.

Today, apart from a car note I took on two weeks ago after a car I drove 200,000 miles over the past 14 years finally gave out, I am debt free and have been since 2016, and I genuinely can’t remember the last time I went to the casino. But, when I did, I brought $200, lost it but had my fun, and went home. No addiction whatsoever.

Because I was 24 years old and I put $50 on a debit card and managed to pump it up to $5000 and it was a one-off occurrence more than two decades ago? Relax.

Yeah, because that’s just what I said.