Yes, that’s for sissies. It’s better to just find another bored married man in the target and have a fun playdate. If things go really well you could even swap places or run off together.

Bruh, bacon was different. I don’t think anyone here is going to build an entire brand and livelihood around beans. Sometimes I think the whole bacon thing might’ve been a government PSI op.

No, that’s Josh Hairnet

I call bull shit. Last week I caught you furiously masturbating in the lemmy communal sauna. I would’ve believed you if you weren’t constantly yelling: “Oh God, I’m not mentally prepared. Oh God. Oh Please! I’m not ready!” You’re a bad liar.

Don’t bother, I tried and the super soldiers just kept fucking each other.

Yes but that’s because you live in Norway, a horrible place where all the men look like walruses and the women smell of fish.

If the comptroller was involved in your circumcision then by all means consult them.

You’re fine, just make sure it doesn’t get stuck in the disc tray.

Maybe consult your rabbi, imam or other religious figure first

Hey, you’re a worthless pile of human garbage and that’s ok. I guarantee that there’s another pile of human trash out there that perfectly matches you in every way. One day you’ll find each other. I’m rooting for you.

My advice is to pick a direction and chop down every tree in front of you. If you continue chopping down trees you’ll eventually spot the trail.

Yeah, you gotta keep stuffing lasagna and deli meats in your washing machine or else it’ll start to wobble.

Some cheaper models have two little people from New Jersey in them.

Wow, your English is pretty good for a Canadian. Did you go to international school or did you grow up in the rough part of Canada?

That’s nonsense. I can bench 225 for 8 reps, I am an average human man. To prove my point I will now fight everyone in the NFL. Thank you for your support.

What would happen if you hit someone with a peanut allergy with that car by accident?

You don’t have to do anything. There’s someone out there who wants to goon to you. It might not be who you expect and you might not like why they want to goon to you but I promise you they’re out there.

Yup and they change the pick up location to the morgue.

“You wil get fat and schlubby but you can make as many posts on lemmy as you want and you are guaranteed at least one upvote.”

-your Faustian pact

That’s only because Ernie Hudson comes by every week and drains their life force.