Little did they know that it was that one time I farted too hard

I just wake exactly 10 minutes before the usual alarm time. Always. Even on weekend.

Just keep it sealed tight

Call my cell phone for urgent matter

This is as old as the internet

Personally I’m always like the left panel

Do it

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Just grab the whole thing and bite

You do you but I’m thankful that I have spare money to spend on supporting good porn

I too, want to hide my body. Try wearing some clothes.

Don’t make me ask twice

This is what peak mansplaining looks like

Is this just a new form of “Who asked?”? I mean, people can still speak out their opinions even if no one asked

I’m only ok if they don’t

My bugs will outlive me

Is it the language’s fault that you want to solve complex problems?

That’s rude. We can still be greedy and selfish while being independent.

*Cortana will remember this

old enough to not know how to use the three seashells

I too, have just watched Demolition Man for the first time on Netflix.