Only available in harvest yellow, burnt sienna, olive, and white. Upgrade yours with some simulated wood grain accents to match your station wagon for a reasonable price. Don’t leave it outside in your vacant lot where kids might play inside. Be nice to the Sears appliance department salesperson. They really want a promotion to the vacuum cleaner department so they can buy their kid a high-fidelity 8-track cassette this Christmas.

I’d keep waxing nostalgic but it will never buff to a nice sheen these days. My parents got a toaster as a wedding gift and it was still in daily use when I went off to college. Appliances nowadays are junk.

You can tell it is fake because no human would tie up the tent door flaps using the little nylon fettuccine thingies they sew onto each side

You may attract python too!

There is nothing on that seasonal display barge worth 150 dollary-doos. Or is there? What year is it and what’s the inflation rate?

I’m also mildly concerned about the handcuffs in the top-shelf plastic bin.

I much prefer Dunning-Notice-Krueger. I get a credit collections notice delivered by a guy with a metal-clawed glove. Now with Fedora!

The figure is somewhere above 0%, but certainly not zero. For example, haven’t you seen the crap blaster 9000 infomercial at 2AM on a Tuesday? You connect that bad boy to a fire hydrant (vendor liability disclaimed), pull the turbo-diesel engine rip cord, and wear a full body bio-hazard suit with air supply (suggested). Not for use with some sets. Batteries not included.

Ahh, sweet memories; sometimes they overflow.

You should hear the cries of the memories, right before they are garbage collected. “Wait, I need that!”

“Bring in the logic probe!”

Browser: “Are you gonna order somethin’ kid!?” (all subsequent data streams to Google for future sale)

User: “Uh yeah, give me, gimme a tab.”

Browser: “A tab. I can’t give you a tab unless you order something!”

User: “But I’m jonesin for some saccharin … not that newtra-schweddy or whatever it is”

Biff Yaml enters; sits two spaces down, feeling sexagesimal: “What are you looking at, BUTTHEAD!?” (all of his comments are one line)

Python Strickland enters: "User what are you doing? Four spaces are used for indentation. You got a real attitude problem, user; you’re a slacker! You remind me of your dunder father when he went here; he was a slacker, too! Quack quack. (his package is poorly managed)

Linus Torvalds enters: heavy breathing … curses in Finnish (Älykääpiö!) … gits out

IBM Selectric: “Hold my beer … and my ball”

Obnoxious neighbor kid walks in (a real ascii): Invokes char(11)/VT; sits on the floor. His Mylar balloon flies away, hits a high voltage line, and the power goes out.

Browser: “Well, looks like the milkshake machine’s broken.”

Teletype Model 28 looks up from drinking coffee and reading the morning paper tape: “I would like to be … modified”

Doc Mill (nee’ Rampazetto) enters: (shudders) “Momma bollocks!”

During this time, Helium was on a noble mission and did not react.

Artificially accelerate the evolution of flying fungi, to break down dat fibrous lignin even faster! Either that or toss a pair of shoes up there so the wood doesn’t get lonely.

Yes, they certainly knew what they were dong.

That Vowels table though…

And those are real 'mericun quarter pounders mind you. Not those puny imported quarter kilogramers!

Penis length number in centimeters > inches.

That is because they are milked for the antidote

No cause for panic. The letters just got scrambled over the inter-webs: he’s not a convicted felon , he’s a convinced melon. There are many varieties of melons of course, for example watermelons, bitter melons, and musk melons.

I loved your mom, yet she was not mine. I wanted to take that hot item and check her out. I even asked an associate for assistance, yet she was still not mine. C’est la vie.

So I headed to the home improvement section and found contentment with a metallurgically deficient tool.

This is 1970s, not 80s . Pretty sure a cart full o groceries was way over $20 in the eighties, after a card full of collected grocery chain stamps was saved and turned in. Inflation and all that.

Anyway… how bout some Suzy Qs, ‘Chun King’ (is that oriental flavor?), Kraft Mac N Cheese…and Hawaiian punch?

Break out the silver and spic-and-span those no-wax floors; the gobnah’s comin ovah to-nite!

Her name is probably Carbra Walters

We all get disappointed when we don’t inherit anything useful…just a garage full of confusion

Inheritance starts to suck > 1 level deep. Multiple inheritance starts to suck at the point people discuss adding it to a language, or a few femtoseconds after the big bang, whichever comes first.