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Followed by a “menacing commentary on the weather”

“I was victimized by the patriarchy, so I got a haircut”

Everything has to be a buzzfeed headline… Nobody “just does stuff” anymore. All of life’s banal moments need to be presented as either a reaction or a challenge to really sell them. How else are you going to get online randos invested in your new haircut?

Big Clam has been suppressing synthetic clam juice research for years

Attainment of wisdom is both the cause of and cure for depression.

The thing about Ashlu Babbitt is that nothing of value was lost

hohoho… My friend you have fallen into the trap. By me responding to this comment about how nobody is actually discussing beans, we are now engaged in a discussion about beans!

Thus furthers our plot of packing bean related content into the algorithm. This is the only way to save our timeline from Skynet!

I fully expect the MAGA mentality is fully transferable to any other far-left ideological group with a purity doctrine that is exclusive and abusive to outsiders.

This mentality is actually ideologically agnostic and will ride any wave it can to feed the emotional needs of the adherent.

Save animals and switch to orphan-meat

I’d say a solid 9

I think owning lots of decorative spoons is some old lady flex that we cannot comprehend

Marrying the first person you ever fuck and breeding uncontrollably only to become deeply miserable and unfulfilled in your locked down life is very human and not at all a good idea. Every success story of first love is a random aberration that fuels the myth that this should be the status quo.

Most people are a lot sluttier than that

I’m not a couch fucking guy but if I was that would be the type of couch that I would fuck. It’s just so plush…

When I was a kid my dad would take his morning shit while the door was open and it stank up the hallway not to mention the visual image of it all prior to breakfast. So one day I closed the door from outside and he yelled at me full volume that he wanted the door open so I had to go back and reluctantly open it.

That’s peak masculinity

Op washed his balls with that spaghetti

I just keep feeding them mustard

It’s like it’s trying to mirror Reddit except without users or comments

fuckin’ birbs ain’t real

caaage of asparaaaaaaaagussssss…

My protege