I remember reading this quote a few years ago (probably Reddit), but I don’t remember if attribution was given. Kudos to you CAVOK.

One place I worked at was my 3rd or 4th print shop. Years ago, to save money on production costs, we would have to “gum the plates”. This involved cleaning and then “gumming” sets of used plates so they could be reused later. Once while at the plated gumming station I was gumming a set of six plates we had used to print a 6-color job. I was a helper on the six-color, but two color presses only had one man crews. One guy pipes up and tells me: “Hey, new guys have to gum all our plates.”

“Yeah? Bite me!”

“No, really!” this dickhead said.

“No, really!” I answered while grabbing my crotch in the universal gesture of disrespect.

Gatormobile. I can easily imagine the owner supplementing his income by poaching alligators in Florida or Louisiana.

My dipfuck younger brother once stuck some chicken wire in an outlet, and scared the shit out of himself. I had acquired the chicken wire in order to make a turtle trap, that ended up working too well.

If you live near Pawtucket,

Do not drink from the communal bucket.

The local water stinks,

So I only drinks,

Bottled water or vodka, so fuck it.

I would say “doink”, which has a higher pitched sound.

We need more Louis Gs.

I feel you brother. Nobody respects the idea that night shifters need sleep too. I met my gf over 20 years ago. We worked together on night shift, so she understood the trials and tribulations of night shift workers. She became disabled soon after, and no longer worked. About 10 years ago I was asleep, and was awakened by BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, in the kitchen. I get up to see what the fuck was going on. She’s standing at the counter trying to open a jar of pickles by smacking the lid on said counter. I must have cussed her out for five straight minutes. “Did you really need some fucking pickles that goddam bad?” and "goddammit woman, you know better, " were among the choice phrases I had for her.

Taking turns getting pineapple suppositories with Ronald Reagan, I hope. Fuck the Gipper too!

Signed, Tyler Durden.

Years ago I worked 2nd shift in a bindery at a medium-sized print shop. One day when I came in at 3 pm, the 1st shift straw boss announced that we had to get a certain job folded and boxed and ready to ship by 5 pm. The asshole who ran the folder on 1st claimed it was “all set up and ready to go”. It was not. So to add to the frustration of the situation, this one c*nt, whom her co-workers called “Pricess Smith” because she was fucking the married supervisor who’s name was Smith (no, not really), used to hide one of only two tape guns in her toolbox. So after wasting an extra 10 minutes looking for the one remaining tape gun (after 15 minutes finishing the set-up of the folder), we barely got the job folded, boxed and palletized in time for the truck driver to load and deliver it.

Later, once we had time to breathe, I was still feeling salty. I broke into her assigned plastic toolbox by removing the hinge. I took out “her” tape gun (not hers. just to be clear) and taped it up in a huge wad of tape, then put it back and put the hinge back on, and put the toolbox back where she kept it.

The next day, we heard that she cried about it and even went to the company VP about it. After placating her, according to one of the other supervisors, they all laughed their asses off.