Don’t worry, I’m always high. I also don’t have a wife.

Can confirm, I only beat my wife when I’m not high

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You can’t just mark a whole train NSFW

Her face reads as anything from listening to me explain the original 151 pokemon to sitting on a bus thinking about what to make for dinner

I could tell you that’s Alabama but my problem is I would have no idea that face was supposed to mean something, it looks like a blank stare to me

Thank you mister president. I really want to thank you for what you’ve done for social media, politics, reality tv, MaCaulay Culkin, Chik-Fil-A, McDonald’s, diapers, Elongated Muskrats, (REDACTED), (REDACTED), (REDACTED), and the rest of you know whats up (REDACTED)

(END OF TRANSMISSION)

The guy I had told me to pull myself up by the bootstraps and I ended up finding $20 mil in my sock

If I asked for a manager and got the “Market People Lead” I would tell them I’m looking for someone in charge, not someone to lead me around a damn market

Alright, well, you should at least have a functional nub or two

Don’t be lazy. You can type with your toes.