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Nope.

Not wanting to play the global ignorance stereotype, but £100 says you’re an American.

Thanks, I got it for my birthday.

Sadly no. On the one occasion I did open one of the cards, there was no return address. Otherwise I’d have been going round for a plate like Jamal and Wanda on Thanksgiving.

One year I did actually open one of the cards, but as predicted there was no return address, or even surname, so no chance of getting back to them.

So as much as putting “No longer at this address” as has been suggested would probably stop me getting the cards, the senders would never know because the cards can’t be traced back.

This way, those wishing the Jarvis’ season’s greetings year after year can continue to happily wish them well, oblivious to the fact that they lost touch over a decade ago.

The Jarvis family probably have a different opinion though, and question why they never get Christmas cards from these people despite sending their own every year. Should have given them a forwarding address then shouldn’t you? Clearly you’re not that disappointed to lose touch if you couldn’t be arsed to update them, you boring-surnamed fucks. Merry Christmas.

That’s put me right off my brew.

But what if the Jarvis family do still live here, and I just can’t see them? Maybe I’m a Jarvis? 😱

1. Party venue in pub conference room.
2. Arrived 30 minutes prior to the start time of our party.
3. Brought some token decorations to make it look like we’d made some effort.
4. We brought a single small balloon.
5. There was obviously a party the night before, celebrating a 60th of some kind.
6. Pub owners hadn’t removed the decorations from previous party.
7. We didn’t want to dispose of the original balloons in case their owners wanted to collect them and weren’t able to previously.
8. The 60 balloons sat there the whole time during our party.
9. Previous party organisers made us look like the absolute amateurs we are.
10. MILDLY infuriating.
11. Bonus extra item: nobody actually cared, just thought it was comical, emphasised by the placement of the 70th balloon, where each set of balloons is in direct proportion to the amount of sentiment held for the celebrant.

Thanks. Would a prosthetic one be bi-yonic?

I’ll see myself out.

Unfortunately we only rocked up half an hour before the party started, but that would otherwise have been a good idea.

That or just a piece of paper to the right of it with “+10” written on it.

Loved my Windows Phones, I had three of them, and even released an app. I thought the app support, from a technical standpoint, was really good insofar as I could release the same app and have it run perfectly on phones, tablets and desktops. The issue I had with Windows Phones was how they just got steadily worse instead of better. They lost their uniqueness and became closer to Android clones with each iteration, and it was clear Microsoft weren’t fully behind the platform long before the app developers began to leave. Real shame.